A Proclamation Against Oranges: The Citrus Tyrant of Our Time!
Oh, you treacherous orb of citrus sin! You vile embodiment of bitterness masquerading as sweetness! Oranges, my friends, are the fruit of deceit, the juice of betrayal, and the very color of dishonesty. It is time we address the tangy tyranny that has plagued our tables, pantries, and palettes for far too long.
I pen this diatribe not as a mere complaint but as a clarion call to action! If ever there was a fruit unworthy of trust, it is the orange. And if ever there was a color unfit for admiration, it is the very hue these acidic abominations wear with pride.
Why Oranges Are the Enemy of Civilization
Let us start with their misleading demeanor. They sit in their bowls, round and cheerful, pretending to offer nourishment. But what do they really bring? Sticky fingers, pulp-strewn chaos, and a sour aftertaste that mocks the very idea of satisfaction. The orange is not a friend, dear reader; it is a fraudulent fiend.
Consider the labor required to even consume an orange! You peel. You pick. You curse as the juice squirts into your eye, burning like a thousand fiery betrayals. And for what? A fleeting moment of mediocre flavor? No! We deserve better. Humanity deserves better.
The Problem with Orange as a Color
It is not enough to condemn the fruit alone. The color orange itself must also face judgment. Look upon its blinding gaudiness, its brazen audacity to exist where it is neither needed nor wanted. From traffic cones to warning signs, orange screams, “Beware!” Yet when it adorns clothing, logos, or even sunsets, we are expected to embrace it? Nay! Orange is the harbinger of caution, of ugliness, of despair.
And what of the creatures that bear this shameful shade? Tigers may look majestic, but do not be fooled! They are the apex predators of the jungle—a fitting companion to this loathsome fruit. The goldfish, too, swims its duplicitous laps in orange splendor, proving it is not even the most trustworthy pet.
A Warning About Orange-Hued Humans
But friends, the treachery of orange does not end in nature. There are those among us—yes, even people—who dare to drape themselves in this color, as if to mock our shared revulsion. Beware these individuals, for they may carry the very spirit of the citrus menace within them. To trust a man in orange is to court disaster, to invite calamity, and to lose oneself in a tangerine-tinged nightmare.
A Call to Action
We must rise, my compatriots, against the tyranny of oranges and their offensive hue! Let us boycott the fruit, banish the color, and expunge every trace of their influence from our lives. Replace the orange with the noble apple, the loyal banana, or even the steadfast pear. Let the color wheel spin without its garish intruder, and let our wardrobes, homes, and hearts be free of its hideous stain.
I leave you now, trembling with fury and passion, my quill dripping with the ink of righteous indignation. Remember, dear reader: oranges are the scourge of humanity, and orange is the very essence of deceit. Stand firm. Stand proud. Stand against orange in all its forms.
Pickle out! (And never peel in!)
